Decisions, decisions.

Loveley isn't it? Christmas already. And what have I accomplished since the last time I decided to write a blog...? umm, nothing. No job- worst thing ever. Relying on my parents to pay for everything I do. Oh the laziness of me. One day...one day, i will have a job...hopefully. Ah okay what to talk about now that I do nothing fequently and do something rarely. How about the lack of communication between friends after school? The people that you thought you had a real relationship with forget you exist. People say what they have wanted to say to you for so long. Is it fair to fight back?

I generally just ignore comments now. Its not that I dont have the time to argue its just I really can't be fucked. I think back to all the times I've fought with mates, over the silliest and over-exaggerated things. And yes I will admit I still dislike a lot of people I have met over the years. They know that too. Maybe in years to come ill be sitting at a pub with my new found friends and ill look around, see an old disliked face and decide its time to forgive and forget. Is that the easiest way? Forgive? Forget? I guess i'll know when I reach that point in my life.

So leaving highschool opens up a whole new world. Not nessesarily a friendly one but a more productive world. New friends, new adventures and new experiences. I dont find the fact that I might end up in debt, homeless and out of work an issue. Im more pressured into thinking if I leave my world behind for a new exciting adventure will the same people love me when I get back? Is it worth waiting maybe a few more years? Push back my dream of moving on for the sake of others I love? Selfish or selfless? Either one...its going to change the rest of my life.

I say bring it on. Bring on the new world. Finding and losing. Fighting and winning.

Forgiving and Forgetting.

Futuretarded.

Oh man. October? Since when? Ahh I love school and how it consumes my life. Well here we are, months later...i've been busy. Well not BUSY, but preoccupied? Yeah Meagan, good excuse dickhead. Honestly, I just havn't really had anything to whinge about. But I think now has come the time to begin again. I've nearly completed my year 12 VCE, which I will be recieving shortly. Im actually really surprised I have got through it. I was VERY CLOSE to failing...like "Hey Meagan, um...you've failed...but i like you sooo i'll pass you on this outcome, but TRY next time?" and response is "I love trying, i'm just shit at it." My teachers love it. I just can't wait for that last day, sitting at the table watching the clock, waiting for the bell. Jump out of my seat and scream "FUCK YEAH!" then say a sad goodbye to all the people i wont see until our first reunion in twenty years. I'll probably come back as the crazy lady with 50 cats...

So what to do with my life when i'm done? The beginning of real life seeing as im not even attempting university. Ha! Imagine that. University, another couple years in my youth waisted with my head in the books. Kudos to my mates who have decided on their life careers at the tender age of 18... I find it amusing that two years ago I convinced myself the next two years would be the best times of my life...that's a negative. I must say i've made some life lessons during those years. The amount of alcohol one can consume, the amount one can smoke and various dickheads too avoid in the future. Thanks highschool, you've made me one wise adult. I now know how to defend myself from alcohol abuse, smoking and being a whore.

I can't complain though, I now have an education to support me. Get me a good job and earn a living. I can't wait till I actually start earning more then..um...nothing? I love being unemployed *Insert sarcasm here* I'm cherishing my free time now because i know in a couple of months i won't have time to even wipe my own ass. I refuse to go on the dole, mainly because I know how much i'll take advantage of the governments money and end up spending it on petrol i'll be waisting in the Mc'Donalds drive thru.

So now my future is in my hands. I can choose to succeed or be complete retard doing nothing for the rest of my life. Well, I like doing stuff and I'm not really a big fan of retards...so i think i'll stick to success. And by success i mean, 50 cats and a lifetime supply of weed.

That's the life.

Hey you, I could be your girlfriend...

Its that time of the year where is seems everyone but me is getting together. Im not just talking about hooking up and "loving life" so to speak. Im talking about relationships. The intimate kinds you only find in love heart shaped boxes. I hate those kinds. Especially when your holding the box right in front of someone and for some reason they dont see it. The trouble is, I really can't do anything about it. These very people are the ones who say "It will happen out of the blue..." and "Be patient..." Umm, easy enough for you to say. Your the one with the heart shaped box full of awesome sex and candy...SHAME ON YOU.

Im honestly speaking on behalf of my close friends. I have few who are at a stage where any attention is completely acceptable and praised upon. Where as my other friends who are in relationships discuss the benefits of having someone to hold in their gentle little arms each night. Not exactly my type of discussion seeing as my jelousy rating goes from about a 2 to a 12. More annoying is when friends explain the little things their partners do that make them happy...makes you realise how much you laugh at stupid things.

Ah life is simple when your in love... someone to hold hands with while shopping for condoms. Where as single people are looked down upon. Man buying condoms, "Just these please..." Woman serving him, (evil stare) "Would you like a bag?" Man, "Nah, I'll be right..." Woman, "Pshh...Slut." Singles are not safe against evils from checkout chicks. Most likely a different situation with couples...no evil stares for them. More like fake smiles and quick service to avoid conversation.

The worst and most possibly annoying thing about your friends being in relationships is time. Lately ive been noticing a decline in the amount of time I spend with those friends. What I dont get is how you can spend so much time with the one person. So much time is spent loving and caring and hugging...why? Your not running out of time...there is plenty to go around. Friends who take partners as first priority over friends maybe want to think twice. Who they going to turn to when the boy you've been seeing breaks your heart? No one, because while you were busy looking into their eyes your friends have been waiting on the side. Sick of waiting for the love they need and deserve. Sure, have time with your boyfriend but dont brush off the friends who will stick by you when your heart shaped box...

has a massive hole in the bottom.

I love the nightlife baby.

It's been a while since i've written a blog...and I havn't even realised. I've been so busy being an adult I forgot how to express myself. Not really, but it has been a while. Well as you might have guessed, I have turned eighteen. Ah the wonders of being legal. Opens youths to adulthood and nightlife over night, showing them the true colours of a city in all its glory. Now your eighteen you can go out with older friends who have been asking you to come out with them for months. No wondering if your going to get in or not with your dodgy fake ID. No asking parents to buy you alcopops or friends for ciggies. Your on your own now, the world is yours...Now that were over that excitement let me point out something i've come to realise. If I was to go to a typical club of any sort i guarantee you 99% of people there are looking to get into someones pants...

And I know you say "Oh but that's what you do when people go out. Thats the point of going out, to pick up..." Ummm Am I the only one who just wants to dance? Really? Because it bloody seems like it. And you know what, I dont have a problem with 99% in pants theory...it would just be nice though if for once I could go out and not be surrounded by males who love nothing more then being sexist and drunk. You know what, even better, I love drunk guys who dance next to you so closely so when you turn and around they take it for 'i like that'...I don't like that. And sure there are those girls out there *cough* slappers *cough* who enjoy those boys attention. They love the attention and hype one makes for a dancing twig with D sized boobs and fake hair extentions. Lets not stop at that, lets pick on the profuse amount of sleezy guys who hit on the crying drunk girls...now thats tops. You cannot beat the classiness of a crying drunk who is being carried by her best friend while holding a glass of PP in the other hand. You just can't beat it.

Now in the defence of the mature minded adults who do party while drinking responsibly, I have a great amount of respect. I am a non-drinking partier who enjoys nothing more then joining my drunks friends for a night on the town. As I walk into a club on the outside lays a very young girl, off her tits and legs parting ever so slightly. Now is it just me...or is that precisely the perfect target for a sexual predator? Anyone? No? I really, really, really hope that girl has been picked up. I sort looked then laughed at the comment the girl said next to me. "Oh my god. Thats me...in year 10." I don't know why I laughed but I think maybe it was because the joke itself made me realise how much of our lives we waist on getting waisted.

Why do we persist on getting so drunk we don't remember the night before? Do we want to forget what we have done? Or get so hammered you don't remember how you got that bruise on your leg? What about getting so drunk you throw up your mums spagetti and wake up with hot sweats and cold feet? Why do we give ourselves hangovers and spend our whole pay on making ourselves ill? Is this fun? Does it get you a trophy or a prize? All I see is a couple of underaged 16 yr olds with a key. A key to a world that maybe needs to be thrown away for a couple more years, just until a guy learns to keep his junk in his pants. Hey, maybe if your lucky you might even get laid...

...Thats if you remember.

BFFL?

Friends, such an amazing connection can be found in one person. Humans are naturally attracted to their friends. What they do and say, you seem to admire and respect. It's just something that happens between two people. You get along, make each other laugh and trust each other enough to tell your secrets and beliefs. Nothing is more comforting then knowing you have a friend who will always be there when your as your lowest. Someone who will listen to your every thought and worry. A friend, who just is...everything. What if, this 'connection' or trust is broken? One slip and is it over? Or will the other be forgiving and give a second chance?...Does every friend deserve a second chance?
From experience i've been through too many friendships. It's always been like that for me since I was young. For some reason, I stray away from friendships that don't mean alot to me. If that person doesn't appriciate my time why should I waste it on them? Just waisting my time basically. It's rare to find true friends after sifting through everyone else. Some people are lucky and meet there best friends at birth or a very young age. They know everything about each other and all their idiosyncracies...like married couples but without the wedding rings.

Trust is the most likely the main thing that matters in a friendship. You should be able to trust a friend...tell them what you think without offending and be honest about your thoughts and opinions. I don't know how my mates put up with my opinions...kudos kids. Like almost everyone I think it's safe to say...everyone has told a secret. Even if its big or little, its still a secret and means something to the person who told you. They put trust in you to keep it because they have respect for you. Now, imagine the other way around...

If you have been friends with someone for a really long time and they tell a secret to somebody you hardly know about you, would you get angry? Quite possibly end a friendship. Stop talking. Don't look at each other when you pass in the street. Say things about them you promised you never would say. In this moment of hate...do you ever look to the past? When you thought you would never fight and nothing could tear you apart. NOTHING...?

The only thing that can tear a friendship apart, is ourselves. Someone slips up, makes a mistake. They may regret it or they might have thought it was the right thing to do. Whatever it is...i dont think its worth a friendship. A friendship is priceless. You cannot buy a friends trust. You can't buy smiles or laughter. You can't describe a feeling of being wanted and appreciated by another. Being appreciated for being...well, you. Being all you can be and giving it back in return is the greatest gift. Friendship IS the greatest gift...

Don't take it for granted.

Grr.

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD!?

MAKE IT EASIER!

LIFE WAS MADE TO ENJOY, NOT FAIL!!!

Dreaming about sleeping.

Lately I've found it very hard to get a full nights sleep without waking wondering where the hell I am and answering the phone when no one calls. My restlessness is causing massive bags under my already droopy eyes and my smile is slowly beginning to fade. I find it harder to wake up in the mornings and find it harder to go to sleep. Am I thinking THAT hard that its impossible for me to sleep a full night? To wake up in the morning and yell "GOOD MORNING!" (Note: who ever does that, you deserve to be depressed) would be a life changing experience. I think too much about everything when I sleep. This "task" isnt enjoyable anymore, it used to be fun! Now its just tiring...since when was sleeping tiring!?

Since I started highschool ive always had a thing about sleeping. Its probably the most a teenager will ever do, and do successfully. I usually get home from school and go have a sleep, which I know is very unhealthy but it's probably the only way I stay up for dinner. But now it's sort of getting to a point where I have threethirtyitis (when my brain is blank) and I sleep till dinner time, then I dont sleep till 2am (when my brain is most active). Am I just creating one big hole of sleepy? I should be the boogey man, at least it would keep my mind off things bothering me.

So now I think..."oh my god, its 3am and I havnt slept. What am I going to do tomorrow? I mean today? Is it tomorrow? Wait...when IS yesterday? What did I do yesterday? Ohh that's right...blah blah blah." until it's 4am. THEN im fucked. The worst is when I'm just getting to sleep when mum is waking up at 6am. Then you can hear her stomping around, cleaning dishes and talking the cats. Goes a little something like this..."Oh Bonny! What did you do that for, hmm? What? What? You love me? Oh I love you too..."...Every morning. Don't even get me started on the dog.

One day, hopefully, i'll finally go to bed around a 'normal' time and wake up at a 'normal' time. Open my blinds to the outside world, rub my eyes and smile. Jump from my warm doona and into the shower...where I eventually fall asleep...Hang on...Damn it! Oh well, maybe tomorrow...

...or is it today? ARGHH.