Back to the Future, just.

Being the age I am, It's sort of forced upon me to decide what I want to do and who I want to be right now. Honestly, I'm really looking forward to fucking everyone off and starting again overseas. What better way to start again then just pack up and leave those people who hold you back in your aspirations and dreams. How dare they steal you of your ideas and future. I have so many people around me in my life saying "Go to uni." or "Do your exams." and "You'll fail." Can't I just do what I want? How hard is it to get a fucking break around here without being told what to do or say? Get out of headspace!

Since a young age i've had a hightened sense of maturity so when people talk to me, they speak the truth and treat me like an adult. Most people have different opinions and theories about school and the future. My 'wisdom'; Do what you can, when you can. Dont push it, or you wont finish it. I follow this to the T. I'm such a Stop/Start person I start something and NEVER finish it. A bit like highschool. I really am over all the crap they are feeding my brain and the pressure they put on kids these days to finish.

You can't get a proper job without finishing your VCE certificate or qualifying for a TAFE course in that industry. The rules are getting harsher and less people are becoming professionals due to rising HEX fees and payments. Why should all these things make a difference? Whats the VCE certificate surposed to prove? That you can withhold hell!? Employer says "Ah, Meagan...I see you have been to hell and back? How was it?" I say "Um..Shit." Employer says "Congratulations, you've got the job!"...Yeah right.

All I want to do is be myself. Stay true to my beliefs and thoughts. I want to see the world, not just hear stories. I want to experience everything there is the experience. None of this book bullshit or study for my future crap. That CAN wait...

But my heart can't.

Too late to apologise?

I'm in a bit of a pickel. Basically I fucked up big time...me and my loud mouth has once again put pressure on me and my relationships with my closest and most trusted friends. Things were said that maybe shouldn't have been said and somehow it feels like its all my fault. And you now what, it probably is, i'm not going to deny that what I say and do can be a bit out of line. The thing that annoys me is that when I do offend people they say nothing and then one day they snap and bring things from months and months ago that you dont even remember saying. Honestly, Id rather bite the bullet straight away then let someone hold it in the gun for months before shooting me. Those bloody bullets can really hurt.As much as I try to keep my mouth from straying to anti-social behaviour and boasting, I lose sight of whats around and who is listening. Also known as, STFU Syndrome, where the affected can't shut the fuck up. I have STFU and a bad case at that. I've been known to say a few offensive things and maybe gone too far...but trust me there IS worse people out there. You just can't here them because they're locked up in prison for disordily conduct and domestic disturbances.

So when the other 'victim' finally fesses up and says "I hate how you talk to me.", "What you say offends me." and "You're a bitch." it's sort of a bit too late for that. Why can't the person just say at the time "You're a bitch. STOP. Before you say anything more ofensive you snob." and i'd say "Oh really? I didnt know it offended. Thank you for telling me, i'll stop now."...something along those lines, depending on the person i'm talking too. And if your reading this and going, maybe you should think before you speak, for me...its almost impossible. I have so much to say in such little time. The STFU Syndrome just takes over my mouth and all the sudden what I was thinking is now offending everybody left, right and centre!

I'm going to take this time now to say sorry. Sorry to all the people I have offened with my big mouth and all the secrets I have told people when I should't have. Sorry to the people that trusted me and I let them down. Sorry that i'm not shutting my mouth to make you happy. You know what, Im sorry the world is fucked up and people are dying everyday. Im sorry my mouth has ruined your life...seriously, if you were human enough, who cares what I think. My opinion might be the complete opposite to what your thinking. The people I talk to choose to listen to me and if they dont like it...then they dont talk to me. Thats what friends are for, listening to you shit on. All that matters is your opinion...

...your just reading mine.

Dummer And Dummerer

Latley I've been realising alot of stupid people in my life. People who make life difficult or harder for the other people around them. Is it a natural born thing to be "ignorant" or just plain stupid? You know these people...the ones who think outloud, say stupid things and make you feel embarrassed standing next to them. It sort of makes me think, if they don't realise...then I could be one of these people...Could I be one of THOSE people...?

I had lots of stupid people pass me by in my 17 years of life on Earth. Alot havn't really affected me because I just brush them off, but there are just some people that are hard to brush off. They stick, not letting go like a leech and hold on for dear life until they have sucked all logical thought out of your cranium. Ever had a 'friend' who made you feel dumb by talking to them? I have. I have had a 'friend' who is just so dumb, they can't get a clue. HOW HARD IS IT TO GET THIS?? "Stop talking. You're annoying me and everybody around you." But still this person is consistent to annoy and frustrate. If someone said THAT to me, I'd stop. What does it take, seriously?

Maybe this is why stupid people get hurt alot. They don't realise the pole in front of them until they've walked into the damn thing! Or walk into puddles because their head is to far in the fucking clouds. Thinking about the impossible and doing the possible the worst way possible is what dumb people do best...

Let me ask the male readers..is a dumb girl attractive? We all have our moments but some girls are just plain DUMB. Common sense apparently only lives in a person with an IQ of 345 and Einstiens love child. Is everybody around me sucking smart from my brain? It feels like it. Next time you speak to someone who is so draining you...stop them, tap there forehead and see it they fall over. The best thing about dumb people is that they shut up when they think really hard...the worst is when dumb people mock you.

THEY CAN'T MOCK. ITS DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF MOCKING. For example...the maturity of a 6 year old accompanied by the words "Why?"..."Why?"...."Why?"...At the end of every sentance...STOP IT! It's not funny, it's just stupid. Go find some comebacks, grab a torch and then talk to me... then let's see if ill feel the burnnnn. Hmmm? What's that?...Why?...

*TWITCH*.

Honestly, Bitch

Is it bitchy to be truthful and honest? Or is it bitchy to be un-truthful? What is the line between honest and too honest? Now, I would want my friends to be honest, tell me everything they see that I don't in someone. Then again the truth can hurt, but doesn't everything else in the world? Should we just grow thicker skin and evolve or keep our thoughts to ourselves?

If you read my blogs, you probably know i'm an honest person. I fustrated young teenager who finds too many flaws in the world and my surroundings, right? Well, how can I not when there are so many shit people living around me? Everywhere I turn there is a problem, nobody can be honest or else the problem will get worse. But wait, didnt the problem start with that person not being honest in the first place? Its an endless cycle of lies and excuses.

I've been told so many times I'm a bitch for being too honest. And yes, I know I have a big mouth but that's me...its how ive learnt to be. I never got anywhere lying or playing games, then again has anybody? If you have, you must be a very guilty person because you have un-truthfully moved thoughts and told lies. And sure i've told lies to make people happy, I still do, but when it comes down to telling somebody when they're doing something wrong or doing something right...being honest is most likely the only way to really be. You dont want to be the one who is blamed for anothers faults.

I am proud to say I'm honest and truthful. Call me a bitch all you want...

but atleast im not the one with the heavy shoulders.

Its MySpace

One Teen Wonders

I dont know if its weird talking about personal things on my sort of blog but im going to do it now. SORT OF. I want to talk about the wonders and heartache of teenage life. Me being 17 I think im in the prime place to judge what teen life feels like. So far it hasn't been the best ride ever or the most magnificant. I've been through alot, alot more then most of my friends have. Some don't even know what ive been through because I don't like to talk about how I feel, what think about my life and where I am right now. Sometimes its just too difficult to explain a big black hole. For the lucky ones, some my age have had the time of there lives with young love, friends and experiencing things others would only dream of. What about those who don't? The ones that get stuck half way and stay completely lost, for what seems like eternity?

When it comes to confidence there is two sides of a personality. The "confident" side and the real side. Anyone who has been in depression would know what this is like. Everyday you wake up, put on a brave face for your friends and wonder if maybe this day will be better then the last. And yeah, you have those days that seem great at the time but then the next is just the same as the day before that. You come to a sad realisation...is this MY life? Day after day will I be like this? Will I never experience something new and exciting? Or even thrilling? Life changing?

The problem with the world of teenagers is...highschool. The world is different and everything you do is judged by the people around you, so called friends comment on what you should and shouldn't do. Teachers can make or break you. Love is a posession not a feeling. This fake temporary world full of bimbos, jocks and freaks. Can it really be this horrible? A world so harsh you dont know who you are until you leave?...Yes.

Unfortunatly to survive a world like this you are labelled and have a certain type of personality you must follow. Even if you think you have a clean slate there is always someone who is jealous, angry or frustrated with you to start something, a rumour can ruin you. All your friends gone, enemies become those friends and you get involved with people you thought didnt exist. From the first step in those doors, your first lesson, you are being judged. Is it easier to ignor or get involved? Fight back the enemy and win the glory? Which eventually leaves you none the richer...or happier.

Its a never ending battle. Girls will be girls and boy will be boys. We can learn off each other, grow with each other but never leave our thoughts. Some friends stay friends, others just fade. Dreams become our future and stories our past. Its just getting through it that really hurts the most. Scars are deep...

...but memories are deeper.

Do the Bus Stop

OK. So, I catch the bus almost everyday. From school I walk to some local shops where I catch one bus, then to the station where I wait for another bus which eventually drives me home. I stand for a complete time of 1 hour waiting for buses. 1 hour...I finish at 3:10pm and get home at 4:30-5pm. In the car it takes 10-15 minutes. Now according to the government $4 Billion has been spent on "fixing" our bus services and public transport...*twitch*...

If this is so...WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING FIX THE STUPID BLOODY BUSES AND THEIR FUCKING TIMETABLES. WHY STOP THERE? WHY DONT WE JUST ALL WALK! BECAUSE IT WOULD PROBABLY BE FUCKING QUICKER!!!

I wait too long, I wait patiently then when my bus driver turns up 20 minutes late I politely ask for my ticket where he so rudely grabs my money and slaps me my metcard. "Thanks." I say and take my seat...THATS IF I CAN GET A SEAT!!! Too many times have I had to stand and fall over bags and numerous prams. Too long have I stood in silence about this ever growing shit of a public service. This isn't service...its BULLSHIT. All I get from Ventura and Metlink is a whole lot of bullshit!

I'm sick of missing my bus because of over crowding and stupid bus drivers who won't let me leave the front door. I'm sick of paying $1.60 for the worst 1 and a half hours of my life everyday. I'm sick of sitting at the station being watched by derros and retards. I'm sick of the shit that comes out of the Governments mouths...take that $4 billion and shove it right up there with your ever growing taxes and shitty laws...

FUCKWITS.